I woke up this morning to another gem from Gary in my inbox:

Subect: WHERE ARE THE KEYS TO MY HOME, YOU QUEER, TINY, BIPOLAR, GABE?????

KISS YOUR DEPOSIT GOODBYE..

First off, sentence structure: phenomenal.  Clarity of thought: even better.  My response email:

Re: WHERE ARE THE KEYS TO MY HOME, YOU QUEER, TINY, BIPOLAR, GABE?????

Dear Gary,

I have no intention of keeping the key I have to your house.  I will put it in your mailbox either later today or tomorrow. 

As for the subject heading, I’d like to clear something up about “bipolar.”  Its roots refer to bi-, two, and -polar, extremes.  People that suffer from bipolar disorder experience swings from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.  An example of this would be someone who is perfectly friendly during the day, but then sends angry drunken emails at night.  In contrast, I believe I have remained at a pretty constant emotional calm throughout all of this.

All the best,
Gabe