I wake up to the following note slid under my door (I’ll attach a photo later):

GABE,

I’M NOT IN JAIL!!!

GARY (Signed and dated)

Favorite things about this letter: I couldn’t tell whether this was supposed to be like an apology, “no hard feelings, I didn’t end up in jail,” or a threat, “I’m outside your door!”  That will get cleared up shortly.  Second: I adore that he signed and dated it.  As if I was going to get the letter, “Gabe, I’m not in jail!” and think, “Hmmm…. now who could this be from?  Who do I know that might possibly have spent the night in jail?  Oh wait… there it is, it’s from Gary.  But wait, is this from this most recent arrest, or is this from the last time he got arrested.  Oh… there it is, July 4th.”  I also like that he signed and dated it as if to make it legal.  Like this would be somehow beneficial for HIM to use in court.  I am amazed he didn’t take the time to get it notarized.

I then go out to my car and find the following note (again, I’ll put up a picture later):

GABE/COWARD

YOUR (sic.) ARE EVICTED!

This helped clear up that the earlier note was not an apology.  I then procede to pack all of my belongings into my car except for my desk and chair.  Afterwards, I knocked on Gary’s door to talk about getting my security deposit.  He pretended not to be there, and tried to be as silent as possible (for a 63 year old 200+lb hungover man on a spring mattress).

“Gary, I know you’re in there so I’m just going to say this through the door.  I need my security deposit back.  I’ll send you a letter or an email to this effect soon.  I would also like to point out that the irony of you refusing to come to the door right now after having left a courageous letter on my windshield calling me a coward, it’s not lost on me and I hope it isn’t lost on you either. Bye”