I sent Gary this email early in the day when I thought he would be able to soberly assess the situation:

Subject: Security Deposit

Dear Gary,

I filed a claim today at the Kane County Clerk’s office for an amount of $500 plus whatever additional court costs I incur.  So far, the costs of filing have been $141.00.  This makes the total $641.00.  If the judge rules in my favor, you will be required to pay any other legal fees I encounter as well as your own.  I would like to offer you one last chance to settle outside of court.  By returning my security deposit, plus the court costs I have already paid, you will be saving yourself both time and money.  I encourage you to consider this seriously.

Sincerely,
Gabe Dunn

Rather than giving this thought then, it would appear as if he set it aside so that he could return to it around midnight, when he apparently likes to handle most of his correspondence and legal affairs:

u r a liar….u r NOT bright enough to file a complaint….bipolar, queer, COWARD…..

—————————————————————————————

Dear Gary,

These are not very difficult forms to fill out.  Even a bipolar, queer, coward from Fermilab could figure it out.  I know my current address.  I know your address (bear in mind, I did live there for a month).  There was not much else to it.  I take it you do not plan to take me up on my offer, and I am genuinely sorry to hear that. 

All the best,
Gabe

—————————————————————————————

Subject: YOU DO NOT SCARE ME, BOY!!!!!!!!!!

WHATEVER YOU SAY “GIRLIE-BOY”….. :) B)

I swear on my life that I have not added in the smiley faces.  If I didn’t know Gary, I would think this was a friendly, albeit biting, email.  Unfortunately, I was unable to find an emoticon that expresses: “I can’t believe I ever gave this moron $500 in the first place.”  Once again, in bold means it was actually in red in the email.

Dear Gary,

I’m not quite sure why that was in quotations.  On the same hand, I’m not sure why it’s all in caps, why it’s red, and why you would include emoticons in your response email to someone explaining that they were bringing a lawsuit against you.  You are being told by someone 40 years your junior that you should consider a more mature outlook on this situation.  In any event, I would like to thank you for making an already easy case somewhat of a slam-dunk.

All the best,
Gabe

Luckily, Gary was able to muster what maturity he had left for:

Subject: “Girlie Boy”…..

GO TO BED…..“GIRLIE-BOY”…..

Sometimes, even Gary is right…. I’m off to bed.

This is the first blog I’ve ever written, and was quite possibly the first blog I’d ever seen.  So when I saw a number of comments saying that this blog was a “troll” or an example of “trolling,” I was confused.  After looking this term up online, and radically changing my definition of the word “troll,” I found that this means some people thought the story was fake.  Luckily, that should all be cleared up.  I just filed my claim today at the Kane County Clerk’s office, and soon this will all become a matter of public record.  After some careful thought, I decided to make the claim amount $500 plus any court costs I incur.  After the fun I’ve been having keeping up with this blog, I can’t imagine claiming harassment.  The only thing left is to see what court it ends up being heard at….

I just found out that the remaining 2 tenants will both be leaving by the end of the month.  This means, of the 7 people living in the house when I first moved in, only one will remain; Gary.  Maybe they just wanted a change of scenery, but I can’t help but think that the angry man living upstairs that keeps screaming on his phone at 3am and the frequent police visits had something to do with it.  Pure speculation though. To my knowledge, he doesn’t plan on giving any of them their security deposits back.  On one hand it’s nice to see that everyone else must not have understood the rental agreement, but on the other, it looks like I’m going to have to take a number for getting it back.

Dear Gary,

I got your voicemail from last night.  In which, you said that I would not be receiving my security deposit because I broke the terms of the contract.  The terms that you had sent me earlier were:

1.    This verbal rental agreement requires one month’s rent as a deposit and each month’s rent is to be paid in advance.
2.    Actual monthly utilities (electric, gas, cable TV & high speed internet) are shared equally by all renters.
3.    Renter agrees to at least two weeks notice before vacating their room.
4.    The deposit less utilities will be returned after renter leaves; usually at the end of the month after utility bills arrive.

I do remember opening the door for the police, but I’m not sure which of these terms I broke in doing so.  I left the key with Mike so that I had a witness that I surrendered it.  I do intend to pursue a claim as per your suggestion, and will let you know when all the paperwork is finished and filed.

All the best,
Gabe

————————————————————————-

are u a tuft’s graduate… i doubt it….coward……
You typed “I (GOT) your voicemail from last night.”

Did u take english @ Brebeuf????????????

Gary

————————————————————————-

Dear Gary,

I apologize.  I was trying to keep the tone of the conversation still somewhat casual.  I received your voicemail from last night.  I didn’t realize you were such a stickler on grammar.

All the best,
Gabe

————————————————————————-

THERE A GREAT DEAL YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME, BOY…..

THERE A GREAT DEAL YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOUR FATHER, BOY…..

GO FOCK YOURSELF, YOU LYING INDIANA COWARD… THE HOLY CROSS BROTHERS DRILLED GRAMMAR INTO OUR BRAINS @ CATHEDRAL HS…..

NITE COWARD,

Gary

————————————————————————-

Dear Gary,

What can I say?  As much as I would like to slight you for it, your grammar is impeccable.

All the best,
Gabe

————————————————————————-

U BET….DON’T TRY TO TEST ME, BOY!!!

YOU WILL LOSE…..

GOOD LUCK, BOY,

Gary

————————————————————————-

If you are wondering, my father did NOT go to Cathedral as I believe Gary is implying.  I think he must have found someone with the same name that went to Cathedral, but I don’t think he gave much thought to the likelihood of multiple people with the Irish last name “Dunn” going to a Catholic school.  I really hope he isn’t currently harassing some confused Dunn in Indianapolis right now. (On that same note: I changed the name of the highschool in the emails so that you won’t try to find Gary.  Everyone deserves their privacy.)

I should mention, I’m not that great with HTML, so anything in bold was in larger font and red in the original email.  It would seem that this, along with the use of the word boy and as much personal information about me as he could find, were intended to intimidate.  Luckily, everytime an email starts to get a little creepy, he’ll use the term “FOCK,” and then it gets kind of cute again.

Before I get any comments about this, “hypocritic” is not a typo.  It’s a portmanteau of hypocrite and critic (because he is critiquing my grammar, yet leaves something to be desired in his own).  It is getting really tough to come up with new puns for these post names.

It turns out, I was not the only one privy to last night’s outburst.  My old roommate Dan informed me today, that he got a similar message around midnight.  Suffice it to say, I am more than a little offended to find out that Gary is leaving other people these messages, AND he even called Dan before he called me.

You fuckin cunt. You cowardly fuckin cunt. You were lead around by the nose…. by Alyssa. Alyssa never paid one dime rent for six fucking months. You fucking cunt. I want my keys back you motherfucking cunt. I have one and it doesn’t really look like the one I gave you. You fucking cunt. ….. you (company name) cunt. You better grow up boy and you better realize that Alyssa is … (sounds like shuffling of papers) … Alyssa (last name) is fucking you without a rubber you stupid fucking cunt. Call me if you dare —- (gives his phone number). You motherfucking stupid 23 year old cunt. This is Gary (last name) and you think you’re going to get your deposit back ….Go fuck yourself … in the ass. Over and out (company name) cunt.

It was good of Gary to give his last name and phone number.  Once again, he seems to be assuming that we have multiple people named “Gary” calling us at midnight to leave angry messages, and needs to specify exactly which “Gary” this is.

Something else I am just now understanding; he has a file on each of us.  This is to be expected from a landlord, but apparently mine has my first and last name, my place of employment, tiny, squirrelly, and bipolar on it.

Luckily for all of us, I picked the right family friends to stay with.  John and I, with the help of a cable from Best Buy, were able to get this voicemail from my phone to you.  I can’t imagine it will disappoint.

Finally, the Holy Grail of Gary correspondence: the drunken voicemail!  I guess I slept through his call, but he was nice enough to leave a message.  I’ll try to figure out how to get the actual voicemail on here in the morning.  Having heard it, I think that it alone may catapult this blog to being bigger than google.

“Gabe… Gabe Dunn you little cunt, you little queer.  If you think you’re going to get a uh a uh deposit refund from me…. kiss my fucking dick.  I saw your little squirrelly ass… came in here today and didn’t have the balls to hand me your key, and I’m not sure it was your key, because I think you’re a little fucking … crook.  I hope you rot in hell you cocksucker. (long pause) You little fucking dick.  You little squirrelly bipolar dick…. I know you’re bipolar. You will not receive a refund of your stupid fucking deposit because you broke the contract you motherfucking little squirrelly dick.  Take me to court you lying motherfucker.  Remember…. Well, you don’t remember because you’re fucking queer. And you’re bipolar. You let the cops in my house you fucking dick.  Take me to small claims like you threatened me. You DICK. You fucking little tiny fucking dick. That’s what you are.  You’re a little tiny dick from… Fermilab.  Call me if you dare… dick!”

Finer points of this voicemail:

1) “…you broke the contract….” I’m assuming Gary is talking about the part of the contract that read, “if the cops show up to arrest me, the tenant is responsible for keeping me out of jail.”  I knew I should have read that thing more carefully.

2) “Remember…. Well, you don’t remember because you’re fucking queer.  And you’re bipolar.”  This part hit a little home because often times my queerness and bipolar disorder do cause me to forget things.

3) What could the purpose of this voicemail be other than to help me stockpile evidence for the ensuing court case?

Subject: Key Drop-Off

Gary,

I dropped off the key with Mike earlier today.  Do you have any other reasons for holding on to my security deposit?

Let me know,
Gabe

Gary’s Response:

GO FUCK YOURSELF…

Gary

My sister Caitlin pointed out something great about this note:

I love that he clearly wrote, ‘Gabe, your are evicted!’ went back inside and thought, ‘WAIT! There’s something I need to add!’ got halfway back outside and then thought, ‘No, not in black!  This one needs to catch the eye!’

As promised, here is the note slid under my door.