Please note, the posts are in reverse order. So the newer posts are on top. Go to the last page to start the saga from the beginning.
Finally, I always told myself that if I ever had 15 minutes of fame, I would sell-out and sell-out big. With that in mind, why not take a look at one of our wonderful advertisers? And, why not tell your friends about the site?
There’s a facebook group now, same name. Feel free to join and invite your friends.
Today was the return date. If this is your first small claims court experience, for the return date, both parties show up and say that they can’t reach an agreement and an actual court date is set. For Gary and I, this will be January 15th. As for me until then, I will be leaving for Italy September 10th. For those of you that seem to care (and I am still amazed that people seem to care), Italy does in fact have the internet, so I will be able to keep you up to date. However, unless Gary gets a calling card, I doubt we will be hearing any more voicemails until late December (possible Christmas gift?).
I am truly climbing the daytime television hierarchy (Oprah, here I come). This last Saturday, I got a call from the good people at the Dr. Phil show. Apparently they want to do an episode like “The Doctors” but with lawyers, where they settle two-sided legal disputes. The bad news; they wanted to fly me out Sunday and film Monday, but I had work both days and couldn’t get anyone to cover my shift. So it would appear as if that ship has sailed. The good news; Gary apparently agreed to do the show. Hopefully this means he will agree to one of the others? I’ll be working on it. And Oprah, if you’re reading this….
I received a letter from Gary today that had originally been sent to my father’s house in Indiana and forwarded to me here, so it’s actually from August 3rd. It is an official invoice from Gary stipulating that I owe him $3.27. I’ll try to scan in the actual letters, but can at least give a summary now:
Cover Letter:
Dear Mr. Dunn,
Per your request, I am mail (sic.) your deposit to the above address.
I am writing this note to document that your final invoice is enclosed.
Please mail your check, ASAP.
Invoice:
2 Days UNPAID July Rent $33.34
14 Days (no notice*) July Rent $233.38
June Utilities $81.90
July Utilities $85.10
Vacuum room & remove trash $35.00
Clean tub, toilet, etc. $35.00
* Amazingly, Gary is in fact claiming that I moved out without giving him the two weeks notice we had agreed upon.
This letter is a true blessing in disguise. For the past few weeks I have been a little troubled by Gary’s unwavering confidence and thought he might have come up with some truly clever defense strategy. Luckily, this is not the case.
Email Follow-Up:
Dear Gary,
I just received your invoice regarding my security deposit. You didn’t actually pay someone $70 to vacuum the room, take out the trash and clean the bathroom, did you? You may have gotten ripped off. In any event, for each of these kind of items, I believe you are supposed to supply a receipt. A copy of the utilities bill would also be nice. As for the moving out “without notice,” I am hoping that the signed and dated letters you left me on the morning of July 4th saying I was evicted, along with the police report from the night you got arrested (the July 3rd time) that attests to you telling me to “pack my shit up and get out” will go a long way in court. I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect tenants to give you two weeks notice of you drunkenly threatening and evicting them. It will certainly be interesting to see which side a judge will be more sympathetic to.
All the best,
Gabe
Before anyone else points it out, landlords can only deduct from the security deposits damages that wouldn’t be considered normal wear and tear. Hence the vacuuming, taking out trash, etc. probably won’t get him very far, but I would prefer he finds this out in court.
The good news just keeps on coming: Gary was successfully served at his solicitation of a sexual act hearing. I had more pressing things to attend to, but apparently I didn’t miss much. He asked for a continuance, and the new trial date is, I believe, September 24th.
I got a call from the Judge Judy show, and they are interested in hearing the case! Of course, I will keep you updated on what will certainly be a viscious competition for my favor between Downtown Joe Brown and Jackhammer Judy.
Until any of this is set in stone, the return date is September 4th at the Kane County Courthouse. Having been to one of these already, I am not suggesting you come. It is tediously boring, and all you are doing is setting a date for the trial.
It’s not a pun, I just like saying the name ‘Downtown’ Joe Brown.
I’ve got good and bad news. The good news is that the Judge Joe Brown show has expressed interest in hearing the case. They are in fact awaiting Gary’s reply.
But now the bad news; scheduling may make it nearly impossible. I am going to be out of the country for work from September until January, and Gary has a pending felony trial in late August that may leave him occupied for a quite a few months. Prison can do real horrors to one’s datebook.
In any event, I had been hoping to hold off on telling you all the Judge Joe Brown news until Gary had had a response to say yes or no. It turns out to be a great deal for him. He would get $400 for showing up, and I believe if he lost, he wouldn’t even have to pay for it.
In any event, it is not totally out of the picture yet, so I will keep you updated.
I’m sorry it has been so long since my last update. It seems many, including myself, forgot that I actually have a job. I also can’t make Gary talk to me, and I am hoping to mantain the moral high ground by not needlessly harassing Gary. That being said, I did finally have a good excuse to talk to him. I realized this week that I had left a few items at the house. Most notably, this chopping knife that I would really like to get back. I called him on Monday to ask about this, and as it went to voicemail I realized what a pointless request I was making. Chances are he would claim he doesn’t have it. And even if he does have it, am I really willing to collect a large butcher’s knife from a man I suspect to be mentally unstable? He responded shortly thereafter with the following email:
Subject: FYI….
GD:
You just interrupted my phone call w/ a friend of mine…..but did NOT have the manners to leave a VM(?)
Do you need something, boy(?)….Gary
I actually do feel a little bad about this. In polite society, one is expected to leave an angry drunken voicemail covering such broad ranging topics as one’s sexuality, place of employment and mental state.
I later decided that I really do like that knife and vegetable steamer:
Gary,
This is somewhat of an odd request, but I think I may have left some things at the house. In particular, the chopping knife I had brought. It had a black handle and a leather case. If you have found it, I would really appreciate you letting me know. I also think I left a white vegetable steamer that I would like to get back. I would be very impressed if you had these and decided to return them to me.
Sincerely,
Gabe
Gary’s response:
I TAKE IT THAT YOU WANT TO NEGOTIATE……
the ball is in your court, BOY….
Once again, bold means it was in bright red and size 32 font. At first I was at the very least curious to know what kind of negotiation Gary was expecting for my belongings.
Gary,
I would have been truly impressed had you just offered to return them, but I am equally impressed that you are willing to negotiate. I would be more than happy to work something out. What were you hoping for? Is there anything else I left there besides the knife and the vegetable steamer?
Let me know,
Gabe
Gary responded with a voicemail (unfortunately, not as prolific as his last one) that I will be sure to upload later. Oddly enough, when he called, I was also on the phone with an old friend:
Hey BOY! … You want to negotiate? … Why don’t you propose something? … Why don’t you have me served… you moron?
As it turns out, Gary has been dodging the summons for the past couple weeks. Serving someone turns out to be nowhere near as easy as the 2004 street dancing film suggests.
Subject: My Offer
Dear Gary,
Sorry I missed your call. Believe it or not, I was on the phone with an old friend of mine, but thankfully you had the unfailing manners to leave a voicemail. As for serving you the summons, I talked to the Sheriff’s Department and they said they are going to continue trying. Luckily for me, even if they aren’t able to serve you before the first return date, you have a court date for your more serious felony charges shortly thereafter. Hopefully, they should at least be able to find you there. Unfortunately, requesting a second summons to serve will accrue some additional court costs.
So, as for my offer; I am entirely willing to drop charges in exchange for my $500 security deposit plus the $141 in court costs and my belongings. This would save you any of the additional court costs that would result from actually going to trial or hiring a lawyer, and it would stop the police from coming to your house to attempt to serve you the summons. It would appear that you have much bigger things to be dealing with than this, so I believe my offer is more than fair. And for future reference, perhaps the best way to open up negotiations is not with an offensive drunken email.
If you don’t wish to take me up on this offer, I would still like my belongings back. I would appreciate you telling me a time that is good for you so that I can collect them.
All the best,
Gabe
Gary’s response
SEE YOU IN COURT, BACK-STABBING, BOY…..
B ) >: o
This was in usual Gary formatting (i.e. the “boy” was in larger font and red and the emoticons were a guy wearing glasses and a guy screaming). To be honest, this is the first email Gary has sent me that really got under my skin. I mean, you can’t see it, but the emoticon is a guy wearing glasses, not sunglasses. How does Gary have emoticons that are so much better than mine?! Needless to say, it took all my composure not to freak out about this in my response:
Dear Gary,
Does this mean you’ll be at the August 7th return date? I haven’t checked with the Sheriff’s Office recently to see if they have successfully served you or not. In any event, I am eager to hear your side of all this.
All the best,
Gabe
P.S. As usual, the emoticons are sending a bit of a mixed message. The bright red capitalized “boy” seems to indicate seriousness and intimidation, but I have really only known smiley faces (even the angry ones) as playful. Very enigmatic Gary.
As it turns out, this does not mean Gary will be at the return date. I talked to the Kane County Sheriff’s office today, and they said that they were unable to serve Gary the summons and that he had a sign up on his door that says “I will not open the door for the police. Good luck serving me!” Be this as it may, Gary does have a felony theft trial to answer to on August 22nd, and the Sheriff’s office assured me they can serve him then.
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