Gary: Landlord of the Flies
A Guide to Better Enjoying Your Gary Experience

Please note, the posts are in reverse order.  So the newer posts are on top.  Go to the last page to start the saga from the beginning.

Finally, I always told myself that if I ever had 15 minutes of fame, I would sell-out and sell-out big.  With that in mind, why not take a look at one of our wonderful advertisers?  And, why not tell your friends about the site?

There’s a facebook group now, same name.  Feel free to join and invite your friends.

May 26: The World According to Gary

IT’S OVER!!! -ish.  Gary showed up both sober and composed, and the case was finally heard. 

This whole time I had been hoping it would all play out like an epic courtroom drama, where Gary had come up with some sinister web of lies and in the end he calls his surprise witness; James (the tenant he stole from), Dan (the other tenant he evicted) or Mat (the Indian friend he called a ‘spic’) to the stand and unravels my entire case.  Sadly this is not how it played out.  Whoever Gary’s surprise witness was going to be, they will forever remain a surprise.  And amazingly, Gary’s case really was centered around me not giving him two weeks notice of his drunken eviction.  More amazingly, I think he must have been thinking he had a solid case.  If he was certain he would lose, why bother showing up or going through the effort of getting a continuance?

A quick run through:

I presented a shortened version of my case, explaining that I was asking for my security deposit back after I was evicted for refusing to shut the door on the police.

Gary responded that he didn’t want me to let the police in because he was tired and wanted to go to bed, and the only reason the cops were there was to harass him. 

The judge asked why I was not entitled to my security deposit, and Gary said that it was in fact because I did not give him 2 weeks notice of my moving out.

I showed the judge the “GABE/COWARD: YOUR ARE EVICTED” note, along with the police report claiming Gary told me to “pack my shit and get out.” 

Gary’s defense on this matter: “I was very angry at the time.  Had he talked to me the next day, I think we could have worked something out.”

I pointed out that I did try to talk to him the next day, but he wouldn’t open his door, and that the following day he had screwed the door shut while I was trying to move out my remaining belongings and would only yell profanities from the upstairs window.

Gary once again admitted that he was very angry at the time.

I tried to submit all or some of the kind words Gary had sent me this past year to show that he had not been open to “working things out,” but the Judge decided he head heard enough.  He ruled in my favor for the full amount of the $500 security deposit and $189.42 in court costs; $689.42 total.  He then said that with the threatening notes and his actions in the police report, I could have asked for $5,000 and he would have awarded it to me.

If he got to $5000 with just the police reports and notes, I wonder what I could have gotten with the emails and voicemail?

The whole trial reminded me of when you get in trouble as a little kid, and an adult  asks, “What were you thinking? No really, I want to know what you were thinking.”  And you never had an answer other than “I don’t know/I was angry/I was really drunk.”  When the Judge kept asking Gary, “Why would you write this note/sign and date it/not let the cops in/screw the doors shut?” it was clear he hadn’t come up with a good answer in the past year.

As many of you have pointed out; just because the Judge ruled in my favor doesn’t mean this is all over.  I still have to get Gary to pay me the money.  Be that as it may, this was still the defining victory I was hoping for.  Rest assured, I will keep working on getting Gary to actually pay-up.  But, I doubt this will be a very entertaining process, so I’m afraid to say that this is where this blog will come to an end, barring any magnificent actions on Gary’s part.

…Still, you never know.  In the world according to Gary, no case is a civil one. 

April 16: Frustration in Litigation

This is quickly becoming the blog that never ends.  Apparently, there was a mistake made in Kane County filing that scheduled us for another return date, so once again the “real” court date has been pushed back; May 26th, 1pm.  When I’ve gotten over the shock of the realization that I may have to update the dates on all of my posts to include the year, I will try to write more about today’s goings on.

Losing faith in the justice system,


March 19: Continual Continuances

This time it was Gary who filed for a continuance.  The case has been pushed back again until April 16th.  Sorry to disappoint those of you who were hoping for some kind of resolution, but it looks like this whole thing may drag on into eternity.

Jan 21: Keeping in Touch

Gary finally broke his silent treatment and sent me an email!

Subject: RE: My Offer TO THE QUEER





I missed you in court on 1/15/10, the Judge was pissed at you.


night queer,

Gary may be on to something here.  A blog about an American’s conquest of under-age international males?  I would call it “Statutory of Liberty.”

Hey Gary!

It’s been so long.  Italy was great.  It was nice of you to ask.

I’m sorry I missed you in court, but as you know, I was out of town.  I hope the judge isn’t actually upset with me, because that could be a real hurdle in my case.  I have us down for March 19th now?

Let me know if you are actually going to print out my entire blog for court.  I was just going to use all of the emails, police reports, etc., but it seems like a waste of paper for us both to do it.  It never even occurred to me that anything in that blog could possibly be used in your favor.

Consider my ass bolted.

All the best,

Am I missing an angle to this blog that could be considered pro-Gary?

Great News!

Thanks to the outstanding effort of a fellow Fermilab employee, a continuance was obtained!  The new court date is March 19th at 1pm.

Bad News

So, last week on the 8th was the hearing for my motion to get a continuance.  I was in India at the time and couldn’t make it, so I sent my sister to stand in my place.  Unfortunately, she couldn’t make the drive out to Kane County because of snow.  So, the court date seemingly remains January 15th, and neither me nor my sister can make that.  I was told I could hire an attorney to show up, but that would cost money, and Gary has apparently filed bankruptcy and has a lien on his house, so I would likely never see that money again.  If I don’t show up, it seems the case gets thrown out.  So unless anybody out there wants to ask for a continuance on my behalf on January 15th at 10:30 at the Kane County Courthouse on 3rd Ave. I might be out of luck.  Feel free.

January 1: Resolutions?

Well, I made it back from Italy.  But, I am sorry to say I am going out of town again starting tomorrow for about a month, so I filed for a continuance to get the court date pushed from January 15th to sometime in February.  I am also sorry to say that I haven’t heard anything more from Judge Judy or Joe Brown.  So, it looks like we’ll have to wait another month for some kind of resolution.

September 4: Gary and I Set the Date

Today was the return date.  If this is your first small claims court experience, for the return date, both parties show up and say that they can’t reach an agreement and an actual court date is set.  For Gary and I, this will be January 15th.  As for me until then, I will be leaving for Italy September 10th.  For those of you that seem to care (and I am still amazed that people seem to care), Italy does in fact have the internet, so I will be able to keep you up to date.  However, unless Gary gets a calling card, I doubt we will be hearing any more voicemails until late December (possible Christmas gift?).

August 26: Dr. Phil

I am truly climbing the daytime television hierarchy (Oprah, here I come).  This last Saturday, I got a call from the good people at the Dr. Phil show.  Apparently they want to do an episode like “The Doctors” but with lawyers, where they settle two-sided legal disputes.  The bad news; they wanted to fly me out Sunday and film Monday, but I had work both days and couldn’t get anyone to cover my shift.  So it would appear as if that ship has sailed. The good news; Gary apparently agreed to do the show.  Hopefully this means he will agree to one of the others?  I’ll be working on it.  And Oprah, if you’re reading this….